(Traditions)
1. You thought Christmas was cancelled when Arne Weise retired.
2. Seeing a young woman with lit candles stuck to her head no longer disturbs you.
3. You know what a “Julbock” is and don't find it strange that a goat brings you presents at Christmas.
4. You think that a Christmas without snow is a disaster.
5. You don't find it at all strange or unimaginative that the day after Christmas day is called "another day Christmas, and the day after Easter is called "Another day Easter"
6. You claim that Santa Claus is a Swedish phenomenon. (he’s not, folks…)
7. Your Christmas tree isn't quite right until you have at least one “Julbock” underneath it.
8. If you have young daughters, around October you start bothering them to join the local St Lucia parade.
9. You know you are from Sweden when you associate 3 pm on Christmas Eve with Donald Duck, and vice versa.
10. It is considered a sin to record Donald Duck on the video at Christmas.
11. You compare all other spiced wine to “glögg” and with a frown state the obvious superiority of the Swedish Christmas drink.
12. You dress up like a “stjärngosse” and don’t get why Non-Swedes think you are from the KKK and a black guy gets mad.
13. You don't mind waking up way too early during the first twenty four days of December in order to watch fifteen minutes of TV's annual Advent Calendar.
14. You couldn’t care less about the sixth of June and consider celebrating Midsummer as being as close to a proper national day as it will ever get.
15. During one day in June, you sing and dance around a giantic up-side down penis dressed in flowers and then proudly call it a Swedish tradition.
16. You've been forced to perform the "frog dance" skipping around a palm tree.
17. You find yourself trying to explain what Midsummer is actually all about, even though you don't quite remember it yourself.
18. You spend every Midsummer night in silence, looking for seven different types of flowers beneath seven different wooden fences, pissed drunk from too many “snaps”, desperately trying to get a clue as to why your love life is so fucked up.
19. You really want to attend the Nobel Prize Dinner.
20. You get pissed off when Norwegians claim that the Peace Prize is much more famous than the other Nobel Prizes.
21. You claim that you are not a royalist but actually do care what "she" will wear on the Nobel Prize dinner.
22. When you associate Thursday with pea soup and pancakes.
23. You think it's normal to get on the back of a truck or convertible car and drunkenly shout and sing for hours at passers-by just because you graduated from school.
24. You are attending a New Year's Party that suddenly takes a break when it is time to watch “Dinner for One” (Grevinnan och Betjänten).
25. You believe there are no "real" traditions in Sweden. (Oh, how wrong you are…)
26. You celebrate Easter and Christmas one day before most other countries do and have at more than one occasion utterly failed in explaining to Non-Swedes why this is the case.
27. You consider summer and Christmas needing to be greeted by singing.
28. You wake up with BIG hang-overs on the days after April 30th and December 13th.
29. You look forward all year for August when you get to gather your friends, put on silly paper hats, drink Vodka, sing and eat crayfish.
30. Easter means decorating some twigs in a vase with coloured feathers, eating herring and painted eggs.
31. You find it perfectly normal to dress up like a witch at Easter and knock on random neighbours doors in hope of getting some sweets.
32. You find the Easter bunny completely illogical.
33. You know that real Easter eggs are not made of chocolate; they're made of paper and filled with pick'n'mix (lösgodis).
34. You try to explain who “Näcken” is to Non-Swedes and they look at you funny.
35. You eat minimum ten buns with almond paste and whipped cream on “Fettisdagen” and claim that it just doesn't taste right if the lid isn't triangular.
36. As a student, you accept and even enjoy getting dressed in formal wear to go to a candle-lit three course dinner where you will alternately bang on your table and stand on your chair singing songs in praise of alcohol each and every time you attempt to raise your fork to your mouth.
37. Already at Easter you start planning what to do on Midsummer.
(Behaviour)
1. You either take it for granted that cars will stop for pedestrians OR you have serious difficulties crossing the street when there is a red light. Even when there are no cars.
2. You love complaining about Sweden when you are there and state "it's much better in Sweden" when you are abroad.
3. You split the bill by the exact penny after eating at a restaurant.
4. You don't mind women using the men's bathroom in clubs if the queue to the "Ladies" is long.
5. You don't mind walking instead of taking the car.
6. You put toilet paper on the seat in a public toilet and double fold it neatly.
7. At cafés, you find it completely normal walking all the way to the counter to order and then carrying it yourself to the table rather than being waited on.
8. You count how many cigarettes you borrow or give away - just to be sure it's fair.
9. You always carry a pocket full of coins to pay for public toilets or the toilets at McDonalds
10. You don't mind sharing the toilet cubicle with all of your friends to save 5 SEK.
11. You would happily catch the tube to the suburbs at 3am or walk alone through a park at night, but you'd NEVER ride in a car without your seatbelt o
12. You find it difficult to breathe if your internet shuts down, even just for a little while.
13. Doing a PowerPoint presentation in a university abroad, you make sure that the Swedish flag is in at least one picture (even though you would never do that at a Swedish university)
14. You secretly love the Eurovision Song Contest to pieces.
15. You know at least 10 Abba songs by heart.
16. You are prone to stand in line without complaining.
17. You get extremely annoyed with inefficiency.
18. Whenever discussing international problems you always, without exception state that "why don't you do it like we do it in Sweden?"
19. You take your shoes off when entering a house, and don't get why non-Swedes find that funny.
20. Generally, you prefer writing in pencil, so you get thoroughly confused and insecure when told to write in pen during exams in schools abroad.
21. You constantly try to avoid meeting your neoghbours in the stairwell.
22. You try to explain "The Law of Jante" to non-Swedes..!
23. You are or have been addicted to Playahead/Lunarstorm/Helgon and/or Bilddagboken and judge people depending on which of these communities they belong to.
24. You complain about people not talking in the bus or in lifts, even though they never do it in Havanna nor Madrid nor anywhere else in the world either.
25. You take it as a personal insult when someone looks at you on the bus
26. You think people are too intrusive when they stand closer than 1½ meter away from you, even if you are at a crowed busses or trains.
27. After having realized that someone is standing on your foot in the underground, you think that the best idea is to not say anything at all or maybe cough or nod a little in order to attract the attention of the person standing on your foot.
28. You would rather stand up on the bus for an hour than bother the person who's handbag is currently occupying the last available seat.
29. You see a woman with a baby carriage trying to get on the bus you're in, so you pretend to be sleeping so you don't have to help her with it.
30. You would never use public transportation without a valid ticket, even though it's ridiculously overpriced.
31. Everybody applauds when your flight lands. What we would do if it crashed? Boo, perhaps?
32. You're used to sorting all your laundry into 30, 40 and 60 degree Celsius piles and become quite upset when you can only choose between 'warm' and 'cold'
33. You call yourself a Christian despite the fact that the only time you ever went to church was the last day of school in the summer.
34. You happily engage in a conversation about the weather.
35. You hate to 'lose face' in public, and will act like everyone else to prevent this from happening.
36. You talk about politics at house parties.
37. You find it perfectly normal to let 19 year olds drive tanks all by themselves.
38. You actually do care if your mobile phone meets the fashion standard.
39. You have a billion pictures of yourself, and 90% of those you took yourself.
40. Everytime you see a swedish Brand/actor/company/phone/car/furniture store you feel compelled to point that out to your Non-Swedish friends (with barely hidden pride in your voice).
41. You get annoyed by people standing to the left in the escalator.
42. You get on the train before letting people off because the train might leave without you!
43. You get up from your seat one stop early; the train might leave before you're off!
44. You plan every second of your day, including the visits to the bathroom.
45. You insist on convincing people that the Vikings were the first to discover America.
46. You buy an ( S ) sticker for your Volvo even if you are living outside the borders of Sweden
47. You find it perfectly normal to book a washing machine room several weeks in advance - and no matter what happens on the day (marriage proposal, spontaneous partying, celebrity sighting etc…) you will do your washing on time, damnit!
48. Living with your partner and having kids together without even planning on getting married is perfectly normal.
49. You go to a gig and people, even if they are standing at the back, are wearing earplugs.
50. Your natural response to a conflict is writing an angry letter to the editor of your local newspaper. Again.
51. Living abroad, you wanted to put up a Swedish flag outside your flat but were told not to by your neighbors and friends, and even when you wanted to put up a little blue and yellow banner they still told you not to, and you never got why it was a really bad idea.
52. You get really stressed and confused at the post office abroad when they don't use “the thing that you take the numbered ticket from that tells you when it’s your turn”.
53. When in other countries you sigh about all the official paperwork that needs to be done, since it's so much easier in Sweden.
54. You spend most of your summers in the park playing a game with wooden sticks, and when telling confused Non-Swedes about it you insist that it's the best game ever.
55. You carefully rinse your plates etc. after washing-up, since it appals you that your Non-Swedish flatmates leave them to dry, still covered in dirty washing-up water.
56. You know which hotdog is yours on the barbeque, even though everybody has brought the same type, and you also feel genuinely disturbed if someone at the party forgot to bring food and wants some of yours.
57. You refer to your age by stating the year you were born.
58. You refer to people from the capital by stating the first two digits in their phone number. (08:or)
59. You are never too old to get happy and excited when you hear the sounds of the ice cream van.
60. You always talk "Lumparminnen" when you meet other Swedish men around the world, and always quotes your officers.
61. You answer the phone by saying your first name.
62. Your non Swedish friends take the piss out of you speaking Swedish on the phone because every second word you say is "bra".
63. You end your phonecalls with 'pusspuss' and then don't understand at all why the english-speaking people around you looks at you like you're a retard or a pervert.
64. You consider your pet a proper member of the family, and speak to them not with a baby voice (which most nationalities do) but as one would to your average person.
65. Regardless of where in the world you find yourself, you always adress animals in Swedish.
66. You collect plastic bags, and can't believe you get them for free abroad.
67. You rattle the toilet door handle like hell, even though it’s clearly locked.
68. You are always apologizing, even if you don´t know why.
69. You loudly proclaim that the tap water in your home is better than mineral water sold in supermarkets (anywhere in the world).
70. You only make love to Buddy Holly
71. You drive a cab in -20 degrees Celcius just to show you have one.
72. You start a subscription of a magazine just to get hold of the free gift. Then, you quit your subscription.
73. You somehow never fall sick on Fridays, Saturdays or Sundays, since you know no doctor would be available anyway.
74. You insist on sitting outside to have lunch/coffee/beer wrapped in a blanket (or two!) although it's only ten-something degrees outside and barely sunny, since it’s finally time for "uteservering".
75. You don't mind letting people know what you're planning on doing when you go to the bathroom.
76. You can peel an orange in your pocket.
77. You find net curtains (they're big on them in the UK & Netherlands) highly offensive as they ruin any opportunity for you to stare in to other people's house when you walk past.
78. You catch a bit of blue and yellow out of the corner of your eye and look to see if it's the Swedish flag or something with the Swedish flag, preferably a football shirt you can wear during the next World Cup.
79. You find it annoying that you have to tip in a restaurant outside of Sweden.
80. You think it's normal to get your post delivered through a hole in the door
81. You go on a date in Sweden and the guy only pays for his own coffee.
82. You don't drink or eat anything that is one day past its “best before date."
83. You stay home from work just to see the plumber work at your house.
84. You find the plumber sexy
85. You wait at least one hour after you’ve eaten before you go swimming. You being swedish you’re bound to drown otherwise...
86. You believe it is very uncommon for people under twenty five to actually be married
87. You expect government institutions to be efficient and quick in dealing with your problems.
88. You threatened your parents to call “BRIS” at least once when they didn't let you stay out as long as you wanted.
89. You think it's perfectly normal to go out and party every weekend from the age of 13.
90. You openly discuss taboo subjects like sex and politics at the dinner table or parties or with strangers.
91. You call your parents, and even your grandparents, by their first names.
92. After eating at a café/restaurant, you think it's completely normal to tidy your table, collect all your stuff onto a tray and carry it over a trolley so that the staff doesn't have to do it.
93. You feel awkward using a lift with people you don't know, so you desperately try to find a spot somewhere to focus your eyes until you reach your floor. Then you feel a sense of relief and joy.
94. You are ashamed to sing in English because of your Swedish accent (although all Non-Swedes find it very cute).
95. You're painfully proud to inform a Non-Swede that there actually was an entire week with over 30 degrees Celsius this summer.
96. On the night of the 25th every month, you “go wild” with expensive drinks and excessive amounts of beer. When you wake up the day after, your money for the next month is more or less gone.
97. You read or write a note about how hard it is to do your laundry if the person before you didn't remove the dust from the tumble drier.
(Common sense/attitude)
1. You don't rely on weather forecasts unless presented by John Pohlman.
2. You know it’s a sin lifting the top layer in the Aladdin chocolate box before it's empty.
3. You find people from other cultures generally being rather loud. With the exception of the Finish.
4. You wouldn't even consider buying electrical items unless they are "S"-marked.
5. You get guilty conscience from throwing things in the dustbin that could have been recycled.
6. You don't consider a congregation of trees being a "real" forest unless it takes at least 20 minutes to drive through it.
7. You use the metric system and really don't get why there are people out there who don't.
8. You consider Denmark and the Danish "pretty continental".
9. You are obsessed with health issues.
10. You find the idea of carpets in bathrooms and toilets simply appalling.
11. You thought carpets was a concept of the past or the ferrys to Finland/Estonia/Germany/Denmark. Then you went abroad and realized that you were wrong.
12. You consider yourself as Scandinavian, not European.
13. A good nights sleep only counts if it consists of 8 consecutive hours. 10 hours would be considered too much.
14. You don't really consider silence a problem in social situations.
15. The question "how are you?" is a question that needs to be answered with a honest and thorough explanation of your mental health. Therefore, you don’t understand why Non-Swedes give you one word answers.
16. You think people that don't send their kids to nursery school ("dagis") are strange.
17. You feel bad if you're not outside on a sunny day.
18. You know that individuality vs. conformity is the eternal Swedish conflict.
19. You unfortunately find it embarrassing and a bit uncool to be “too” Swedish.
20. You find it normal that the most serious debates between the political leaders of the country broadcasted on TV are held in charming and homey milieus, including flowered curtains, blond wood, colorful pillows, pastries and coffee.
21. You consider Volvo and Saab the ultimate family cars.
22. You ONLY eat sweets on Saturdays.
23. You think it’s a BIG THING to have a drivers license before you're approaching your thirties.
24. You can actually see the logic of “klämdagar”.
25. You think thats its ridiculous to build houses from bricks. Wood is the real deal!
26. You refuse to believe that snuff or "snus" is harmful.
Since snuff "isn't harmful", you can't understand why no one except the Scandinavians use it.
27. You don't think a farmhouse is actually a farmhouse unless it is red or yellow with white trim.
28. You don't find "bananer i pyjamas" to be a bit sexual.
29. You realize that five ants are more than four elephants
30. You hate keyboards without “å, ä, ö” with a passion.
31. You think it's perfectly normal and not offending at all when Frank Zappa's song "Bobby Brown goes down" is played at a disco for 9-year olds
32. You know they are the same, but you just don't trust ibuprofen and paracetamol the way you trust Ipren and Alvedon
33. You, in pure disgust try to tell your fellow peers that it’s basic human behavior to shower after PE and they look at you like you come from a different planet.
34. You can’t believe that you have to pay for your disgusting school lunch.
35. You don’t consider Starbucks a proper café, since a real cafe is a atmospheric, groovy, cosy place not at all as brightly lit and multi national as Starbucks.
36. It's not strange that the Prime Minister marries the CEO of "Systembolaget"
37. You don’t find it strange having a prime minister who is like...41? 42?
38. You find it completely normal, when going to a pre-party (förfest) everyone has their "Systembolaget" bag in the fridge and notoriously keep track of which liquor is their liquor!
39. You consider blond hair about as normal as dark hair.
40. You only consider hair on the verge of being "white", blond. Everything else is just very bright brown hair.
41. Everything you know about sex you learned from ”Bullen” or KP's "Kropp och Knopp".
42. You find teenage mums shocking and very strange; because you don't know anyone who had a child before 25 and you thought that was young.
43. You know, but don’t really get why and how Sweden "tronar på minnen från fornstora dar, då ärat dess namn flög over jorden.”
44. You find it hilarious that the Polish sing about the evil Swedes in their national anthem.
45. You know what a modem is but you can't believe people still use them.
46. You know you're Swedish when you believe in signing petitions.
47. You analyse EVERYTHING way too much.
48. You think dating someone you haven't even had drunken sex with yet is a bit backwards.
49. Making fun of Norwy is a national institution. And vice versa.
50. You systematically accuse the Germans for stealing elk signs.
51. You think that everyone is allowed to walk in any field or forest. And when people abroad tell you it's private land, you don't understand and say "But, what about Allemansrätten?"
52. Confronted with a new substance you ask your government if it is ok for you to touch/ingest/be on the same continent as it. Then follow their recommendation without complaining and in utter faith.
53. You find atheist priests perfectly rational.
54. Someone insults your girlfrien you dont hit him because your girlfriend would be pissed off if she doesn’t get to hit him herself.
55. You know that asking someone you are attracted to if they want to come over to your place for “tea” does actually not involve drinking tea at all.
56. You fully believe that walking on "a-brunnar" gives u bad luck.
57. You even begin to understand what someone means when they give you a number of a week instead of a date.
58. You get confused why people in other countries buy their flats instead of just rent them.
59. When the only school grades you know are "pass", "fail" and "high pass", and don't understand why others have grades like A, B. C.....
60. You remind yourself which months in the year Sweden is warm, not by looking at the weather (simply because its mostly cold), but by humming the Gyllene Tider lyrics; "..juni, juli, augusti..".
61. If living in the northern part of Sweden you consider the first monday in september being the real new years eve since the year is scheduled in before and after älgjakten.
62. You don’t consider going to Norway or Finland as leaving Sweden
63. You still believe it’s free to visit your doctor even though, in fact it’s pretty expensive, but you keep spreading this myth of the free health care system to the rest of the world.
64. You find the thought of becoming a 'Svensson' scary. However you can’t imagine a future without a red 'villa', a volvo, two kids and a dog.
65. You understand the unspoken war between Stockholm and Göteborg.
66. And you don't find it rude to snoop around in people's houses the first time you visit (“gå husesyn”).
67. You were never patriotic about Sweden when you lived there, but once you moved out, consider Sweden to be some sort of paradise where everything is perfect - unlike your new country of residence.
68. You don't see why people are so upset about bringing in ID cards - because you've had one since you were 12.
69. You think every country could do with "personnummer" to make things run more smoothly.
70. You hate, but would never refrain from living under “the Law of Jante” no matter how hard you try.
71. You long for the day when the province where you live breaks free from the rest of Sweden.
72. You think the kitchen is the single most important room in your house. (And the partys always ends up there)
73. You really can’t see why anyone would ever call it Gothenburg, since it makes Non-Swedes think that’s where Batman resides.
74. You constantly complain about the United States doing horrible things in the world and not taking its responsibility. Still, you are tempted to go, live, or study there.
75. You don’t like short notice.
76. You think five weeks of vacation a year is way too little.
77. You have a nervous breakdown unless “things” are in their right compartments and properly labeled.
78. You are baffled because the concept of “tvättstuga” does not exist in all countries.
(Food)
1. You don't even think twice about bringing hot coffee to the beach.
2. You know that there must be some sort of difference between “Plopp” and “Center”, since they´re both made by Cloetta, but you can´t figure out what it is.
3. You don't consider small, round fluffy things stacked over each other and served with syrup to be actual pancakes. Real pancakes are thin, taste better...are served with jam and sometimes whipped cream - just like the ones Pippi Longstocking makes.
4. You eat pancakes with jam, not lemon and sugar like the English.
5. You consider Non-Swedish cinnamon buns a failed attempt to mimmick the 'original' and become annoyed everytime you bite into one because it tastes nothing the real thing.
6. The notion of pouring the closest equivalent to “filmjölk” (buttermilk) over your cereal doesn't sound odd...in fact, you'd probably go out and get some berries/fruit to blend with the cereal.
7. You know that a sandwich consists of only one slice of bread.
8. You find the ads for Coca Cola during Christmas completely useless since no one would consider drinking any other soft drink than "julmust" during Christmas anyway.
9. You know that it is not true, but you like to believe that there is a massive difference between the taste of "julmust" and "påskmust".
10. Making the cheese look like a ski slope is a mortal offence.
11. You know the meaning of and utmost importance of a cheese slicer and it disturbs you that it’s a Norwegian invention.
12. You seriously look for Baklava made from whole grain, since "in Sweden, we don't eat white flour anymore because “Socialstyrelsen” says it's not good for you".
13. You love O’boy to pieces and know that there is no way the Nesquick powder can ever replace it.
14. You think that any type of dish including pork fillet with béarnaise sauce and meatballs with beetroot salad (a Christmas version!) makes a superb topping on a pizza...
15. You think it's ridiculous to sell milk and yogurt in anything other than Tetrapak.
16. “Tallriksmodellen" pops up in your head every time you serve food.
17. You find it morally reprehensible to not even TRY to eat from all the food groups.
18. You love “Kalles Kaviar” and get offended when Non-Swedes claim it is “only cod roe, not caviar”.
19. You could survive on just fish and prawns, and still manage to have a different dish for every meal for a month, even put it in cake.
20. You drink black espresso without sugar, believing that is what they do in Italy, and actually believe that you like it.
21. You know that the most common cars in Sweden are not Volvo's or Saab's, but “Ahlgrens Bilar”.
22. You can debate for hours the difference between the taste of the pink, the green and the white car in a pack of “Ahlgrens Bilar”.
23. You actually have a favourite colour of “Ahlgrens Bilar”, and are pretty militant in your opinion on this point.
24. You have been asked by Non-Swedes, 'You eat reindeer in Sweden don't you?' and answered in the affirmative, reinforcing their beliefs with a conversation ending - 'Yeah, the bloodier the better.'
25. You are in France and you are feeling a bit continental going to a café ordering a “café au lait” (despite the fact that the French have no clue what you are on about).
26. You call cupcakes “muffins” and argue that your way is right.
27. When someone offers you a hotdog, you are genuinely surprised to find it is not a frankfurter in a 'korvbröd' and even more surprised to find that there is no such thing as a 'korvbröd' and hotdogs are actually served in plain rolls.
28. You actually miss “Knäckebröd” when you are abroad but never eat it in Sweden since it's too dry.
29. You insist that Swedish chocolate is the best in the world, despite what the Belgians and the Swiss might say.
30. You are abroad and you instinctively reply "lagom" when the waiter ask how you would like your steak.
31. You get cranky if you don't get to eat "havregrynsgröt" every morning.
32. You know that there is a massive difference between “gravlax” and smoked salmon, and differences in opinion on which tastes the better has led to many arguments during family dinners.
33. You get really defensive when people think “Smörgåsbord” simply means a variety of something and can't grasp the concept of one.
34. You need to explain the concept of "Smörgåstårta" to someone, and you have to point out that “no, it's not a cake, it is food”.
35. You drink coffee a minimum four times a day.
36. You seriously consider 'kebabrulle' being a Swedish dish.
37. Gravy just doesn't cut it. “Gräddsås” is the shit!
38. You go to Australia and get really pissed off with "Miss Mauds swedish bakery" and the fact that they don't serve anything Swedish.
39. You try to get non-Swedes to like smoked salmon and pickled herring.
40. You feel that "kladdkaka" tastes better than normal chocolate cake.
41. You always get cravings for "Djungelvrål".
42. You don't understand why non-swedes find salt liquorices inedible.
43. You have a craving for at least one litre of milk a day.
44. You can name at least seven different kinds of jam, and produce four of them in your own kitchen.
45. You are abroad and “lösgodis” (pick n’mix) becomes more desirable than cigarettes.
46. You have never ever heard of either “Annas gingerbread” nor “Mrs Elswood's cod roe spread - product of Sweden” nor “Swedish glace” nor “Swedish fish” nor “Swedish Berry Candys”.
47. It annoys you that the hot chocolate powder abroad doesn’t mix with cold milk.
48. You ask a visitor from back home to to bring you “Långa Fina”-bread, “Kvibille Cheddar” and “Herrgårdsost” and all those other everyday luxuries you miss.
49. You rate the size of a town/village due to the amount of pizza places found there.
50. You find it very strange that there are not so many pizza places abroad and when you finally find one, you think it’s too expensive. Also, the pizzas are too small and you feel like as if you have been deprived of one of your natural rights since the pizza does not come with “pizzasallad” and “kebabsauce”.
51. You try over and over again to explain to a Non-Swede what a "semla" is.
52. You find it hard to understand the breakfast culture in other parts of Europe - it has to be porridge/fil&flingor, wholegrain bread & coffee/O’boy to be ok.
53. You put salt and not sugar on your popcorn (and think people who eat sugary popcorn are totally wierd).
54. You die a little inside if you don't get your weekly ration of "Mamma Scans Köttbullar".
55. You love "Blodpudding" and love the disgusted faces of your non-Swedish friends when you explain what it is.
56. You make sure you go back to Sweden regularly or ask anybody you know going there to get “välling” for your child since there is nothing that can replace “Sempers Fullkornsvälling”.
57. You don't realize that putting ketchup on pasta dishes isn't received well by Non-Swedes, especially Italians who normally get mortally offended by this practice.
58. You consider baking a social activity.
59. You actually like “Tyrkisk Peppar” despite most of the rest of the world thinking it tastes disgusting and you refuse to believe it’s Danish.
60. It confuses you that McDonald’s abroad doesn’t have béarnaise sauce.
61. You claim Swedish strawberries are superior to all others, but really can’t tell the difference.
62. The best cake is "Princess Tårta" and you know that any other cake is rubbish.
63. You get confused when Non-Swedes talk about ”swedish Krisprolls” when they really mean ”skorpor”.
64. You claim”Köttbullar” is a unique Swedish dish and that you can´t have it elsewere (ignoring meat balls, from Northen Africa/Italy/Greece etc. etc.).
65. You can eat anything as long as it's served with lingonberry jam.
66. The first thing you have to do when you get home (to Sweden) is ordering meatballs, mashed potatoes and lingonberry jam at Sibylla.
67. You say “Huh?” when you hear about KFC and admits to never eaten at Kentucky Fried Chicken or even seen one.
68. You go all misty-eyed and dreamy-looking when someone mentions "Lakritspuck"
69. You can’t understand why people scream when you mix cereals and yoghurt.
70. You really don’t get how anyone can eat peanut butter with jam on their toast
71. You find it completely normal for supermarkets to have a whole aisle dedicated to the staple diet "KORV" (sausage).
72. You eat every meal with a knife and fork.
73. You are living abroad and you are slightly lost because there are a number of dishes in your repertoire you can't make anymore, because you can’t get hold of “falukorv”.
74. You happen to come across a Swedish food product in your local supermarket and just HAVE to buy it because it's food from back home.
75. You think a bag of crisps that contains less than 200 g is tiny, and you can’t understand why people don't get the concept of dill crisps.
76. You scream 'pata lul' while having macaroni and cheese with macaroni in the shape of wheels.
77. The food is ready to be served exactly on the minute you told your friends to come for dinner - if they are a little late, the potatoes have gone all cold!
78. You have ketchup on boiled eggs.
79. You think that singled packed slices of cheese are a stupid waste of resources.
80. You really suffer by only being able to eat white bread when going abroad.
81. You don't consider micro oven as a substitute for a "real oven".
82. You consider "falukorv" as quality meat, and that it can be used instead of any other kind of meat when cooking.
83. When you have lived abroad for a while and a single “Ahlgrens Bil” is enough to put you in a state of silly-eyed, open-mouthed bliss for at least 15 minutes.
84. In addition to the previous point, you consider liquorice salted beyond what's permissible by the laws of physics the equivalent of a class A narcotic—again, capable of sending you head first into a state of stupefied bliss for at least 15 minutes.
85. You go to the supermarket abroad to buy "julskinka" and when they don't have the right cut of meat, salted to perfection; not only you, but also the butcher get a nervous breakdown, since he has no clue what you are on about (even after you have shown your meat cut chart form your old home economics book from school).
86. Nobody knows what "Kassler" is. And you don't understand why they don't have it...it is after all the most versatile food there is.
87. You get upset by the fact that a free second cup isn't included in the price, when ordering coffee abroad.
88. You, if denied a free second cup at a café inside Sweden, are seriously thinking of reporting the owner of the café to "Konsumentombudsmannen".
89. You know that there is no way there is any correlation between Swedish and American cheescake.
90. You consider "Surströmming" to be proper food, not toxic waste.
91. You eat ice-cream in the winter.
92. You've never seen a Starbucks and find it terribly “exotic”.
(Language)
1. All English you ever learnt in Sweden came from American sitcoms.
2. You just love to 'fika' and know that it is an activity that is meant to last for hours and is NOT the equivalent of going for a coffee.
3. You don’t get why no other language has a verb for drinking coffee/tea since it is such a very, very important pastime!
4. You are happy to say that you can go around Scandinavia with one language, which of course is Swedish, the biggest one. (the Swedes, the Norweigans, the Danes and the (LUCKY) Finns understand it...)
5. You know you are from Sweden when your name is "Filip" or "Filippa" and people wonder why you don't spell it with a "ph".
6. You pronounce Mtv “mtweee”.
7. You know who Trycksfelsnisse is.
8. People ask you if we speak English, German or French in Sweden.
9. You always have to excuse your bad English spelling/grammar/accent/whatever, even though you do in fact speak better English than most other non-native English speakers.
10. Everyone in the room gladly switches from Swedish to English when a Non-Swede enters, just to be followed by the awkward moment after the Non-Swede might have left, and the Swedish people smile nervously at each other, not knowing whether to talk Swedish or English.
11. You believe that "USA" and "Great Britain" is the most common way to refer to the United States and the United Kingdom.
12. You don’t get the fact that there are two different sounds for “V” and “W” in English.
13. You have a tendency to not divide words when you write in English, since "särskrivning" is a sin.
14. You consider a fast and audible intake of breath as a synonym to the word "yes".
15. You have a tendency to make Swedish verbs out of English nouns, and do not consider it slang or grammatically incorrect.
16. You like things in general to be "lagom".
17. You consider Sweden being on the verge of annoyingly "lagom". Like a tetra pack of mellanmjolk, sort of.
18. You honestly thought that the word for “lagom” does not exist in any other language and you got confused, almost hurt, when you learned that you were wrong.
19. You just don't "orka"...
20. You think you understand Danish.
21. The Danish think you understand Danish.
22. Ultimatley, when spoken, you don't really understand Danish.
23. You make fun of the Danish for speaking "Swedish with porridge in their mouths".
24. You thought you understood Norwegian since you can understand Jon Skolmen in "Sällskapsresorna" and it was a brutal awakening when you realized that you can't understand a single word of what they actually say.
25. The difference in meaning between words that sound the same in Swedish and Norwegian never cease to amuse you. (rolig, bärs, etc...)
26. You have often wondered how to tell the English that you are “kissnödig” or “bajsnödig”.
27. Joo lajk to talk svänglish witt jår fränds jöst bekåse itts såunds såh riddkiulös.
28. You don't even realise that you speak/write Swenglish whenever you speak/write to Swedish people.
29. You cannot see why the first floor you walk into should be called anything but the first floor, and the next one up the second, and so on, and you get confused by this in every multi-storey building you enter abroad.
30. It's raining and you hear yourself say your grandmother’s wise words, "There is no bad weather, just bad clothes".
31. You have tried to translate a phone conversation from the radio show "Hassan".
32. You have genuinely believed that a person from the UK talking about "hockey" meant "ice-hockey".
33. You realise the potential and imagination behind a number of Swedish words (like: förfest, träningsvärk, groggvirke, sola, KLOCKRENT)
34. You find it OBVIOUS that a mile is 10 kilometres.
35. You think you're better at English than you really are.
36.You LOVE to use English quotes and slang when talking Swedish.
37. You end every phone call with "puss puss" and don’t get why Non-Swedes laugh at you.
38. You find it unbearable and disturbing that "puss" and "kyss" is only one word in English, since “French Kissing” just doesn’t cut the edge.
39. You actually know how to pronounce “smörgasbord”.
40. You´ve ended several conversations with "japp....så är det det...mmm" followed by an uncomfortable staring at the ground whilst shuffling some snow around with your foot…
41. You’re always stuck trying to explain what "fil" is...unsuccessfully.
42. You have to explain the wonder that is "snus" while everyone around you is about to vomit.
43. You understand the phrase "fjortis" and suddenly don’t miss being a teenager anymore.
44. You know what the term "dansband" refers to, but know that it is a losing battle explaining to Non-Swedes what it is.
45. You give a false (local name) when you order a table at a restaurant, since giving your Swedish surname is way too complicated.
46. Non-Swedes say your name in fifty different ways, but no one can get it right.
46. You sometimes finish your e-mails to Non-Swedes with the letters "Mvh".
48. You end a P.S with a D.S.
49. You see your non-Swedish friends utter display of confusion when you answer 'there is no danger on the roof' in response to their comment of not having any money left on their bus card...
50. You have, with some measure of success, spoken “rövarspråket”.
51. You use a vast array of expressions in “English” in your everyday life that you have no idea do not exist for anyone outside of the borders of Sweden such as “Shit the same”.
52. After a few drinks your school English gets mixed with Swedish slang, like in “are you fatting?”.
53. You are abroad you find it difficult to stop yourself thanking the “kock”, for the lovely dinner.
54. You get frustrated when people don't understand the differences between "juice", "saft" and "nektar" or why we drink "juice" with pulp.
56. You say something was "very funny" when you really mean "it was a lot of fun"
57. You find it hard to explain the concept of “tomtar och troll" in English.
58. You read something in another language and they use the words "ombudsman" or "smorgasbord" you get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.
59. You've tried to teach a Non-Swede to say "Sex laxar i en lax-ask".
60. You find that teaching Non-Sweds the Swedish alphabet makes your day.
61. You are always having very long, philosophical and profound discussions when trying to explain the meaning of ”vemod” in English (even though you have never really understood what it actually means).
62. You order a pizza with excellent Italian pronunciation on "Capricciosa" or say that you’re going on vacation to Barcelona using a perfectly sounding spanish “Z-word”.
63. You constantly have to explain to Non-Swedes that there is no “sch-“ sound in “snaps”.
64. You say “oj” before sorry; “Oj, sorry!”
65. You can't see why it is rude not to say please, since there is no equivalent for it in Swedish
66. You have no clue when to use "is" and "are".
67. You say “Yes, thanks” instead of “Yes, please”.
68. You can’t pronounce the English version of the “J-sounds” correctly.
69. You think "yes" and "no" is enough answer to any question (apart from “how are you?”)
70. You have given up trying to explain to Non-Swedes how to pronounce words beginning with lj-, hj-, or sj.
71. You think that the response: "garden and garden" is a perfectly normal response to the question "Do you have a garden?", or "car and car" to the question "Do you have a car?"
72. You answer a question with "mhm" and the questioner repeats their question thinking that you didn't hear or understand. Resulting in you getting annoyed by the fact that they didn’t get that you ment "yes".
73. You think that by saying something twice it will sound more friendly; “Hej Hej!”, “Nej men Nej men" and so on.
74. You think the english word "synopsis" is funny and giggle due to all the sexual associations you get...
75. You insist on saying "gamla Svedala" (old Svedala) about Sweden, even though Svedala is a town.
76. You speak English with an American accent rather than British, even though you live in Europe, although you do mix American and British vocabulary.
77. You say embaressing things like "I have two pricks in my name" or "I'm a fart freak" because you think all Swedish words can be translated directly to English
78. You think that "restrooms" are used for relaxing.
79. You innocently say “F**K” at completely inappropriate times when talking English.
80. You have found yourself trying to explain to Non-Swedes why on earth K is sometimes pronounced “SCH” or “CH” Like “Kärlek”, “Kök” and so on.
81. You get really upset when people think “the Swedish chef” in “the Muppetshow” actually speaks Swedish, and even more upset when you realize that's what people think swedish sounds like – because you thought it sounds like "Elvish".
82. You tell people to call “Polia”, after having asked if they need help.
83. You with great (albeit hidden) pride explain that in Swedish we call our grandparents MORMOR & MORFAR and FARMOR & FARFAR, so no need for silly mistakes, longwinded explanations (my mom's mom) or formal /impersonal phrases, such as paternal grandparents.
(IKEA)
1. You trust IKEA more than your government.
2. IKEA is home away from home.
3. You grew up in a house looking exactly as if it would have been in the IKEA-catalogue.
4. You fear beyond death not getting the IKEA catalogue if you put up a sign for the postman saying that you don’t want any adverts.
5. You know the names of a multitude of IKEA items.
You know how to pronounce these names and sigh when Non-Swedes don't.
6. You live abroad and virtually all your furniture is from IKEA even if there are still no IKEA stores in the country. (note the word“still” as in you are expecting IKEA to one day be found in every single country)
7. You rarely visited IKEA when you lived back in Sweden but once you are abroad you think visiting IKEA is a small trip back home, that makes your eyes damp and feel even more home sick than before.
8. Going to IKEA abroad, you end up loitering in the Swedish Food Market, buying more food than furniture.
9. While on one hand you praise the Swedish Food Market, you feel betrayed since the “Svenska bullar" they sell are clearly not anything like what you had back home.
10. In addition, you just have to stop and explain to the locals in the Swedish Food Market what they are buying and exactly how delicious it is.
11. When living outside the borders of Sweden you panic when IKEA has sold out of “julmust” before Christmas.
(Shopping)
1. You find it normal to have to go to a special store that is owned by the government, that's only open during daytime to buy a bottle of wine, or other alcoholic beverages.
2. You feel uncomfortable when the cashier asks you "how are you today", because you assume she really wants to know and expects a thorough answer - isn´t she being a little bit too private?
3. You don’t mind the sales assistants chatting away (though you're in a hurry) because you don't want to offend them.
4. You're buying clothes you ask the cashier if you can keep the coat hanger.
5. You line all the shopping up with the barcode towards you to help the cashier.
6. When, while entering a supermarket in another country, find that you can buy alcohol…and you get the same look in your eyes like a child on Christmas.
7. You get a nervous breakdown if the person in front of, or, behind you at ICA doesn't use the next customer stick on the grocery belt.
8. You have to go to a supermarket to post your letter.
9. You're about to pay in any shop and wonder where you get your ticket to stand in the queue
10. You get annoyed when shopping for food abroad and keep looking for price per kilo/piece etc. without ever finding them.
11. You feel uncomfortable with the cashier packing your bags for you, and secretly you consider this to be very inefficient since he/she should concentrate on helping the next customer.
12. You consider some plastic bags being too nice to use for rubbish.
13. You go to Germany to buy loads and loads of Swedish beer.
14. On your annual trip to the Mediterranean you automatically answer the sales person who asks you where you're from with "no thank you".
15. You prefer to buy food at ICA instead of Netto or Lidl, just because of principles and the fact that it looks neater at ICA. No matter how expensive it is.
16. You love ICA Maxi, and sometimes hum the advertisement-song heard randomly since you believe that the ICA-card is best invention ever.
17. You don't feel ashamed jumping from last place to first in the queue at ICA when someone opens a new cash till.
18. Sizes 6, 8, 10, 12 etc. really confuses you.
19. It's completely normal for you that all newspapers are stapled together and you can't handle non-Swedish newspapers, that are not.
20. You get angry because you have to order "Coffee Americano" to get normal coffee.
21. You get a strange a strange feeling when walking around at “Systembolaget”, like someone is watching your every move and what you buy (and of course, you note what everyone else has in their baskets).
22. You actually count your items before going to the max. 10 items cashier.
23. You can't use the plastic bag you got from “Systembolaget” for anything else after bringing your alcohol home. Especially NOT letting your kids bring their PE clothes to school in it!
24. You're a bit embarrassed for going to “Systembolaget” and especially walking out of it with your bag full.
(Litterature)
1. You thought Astrid Lindgren was immortal and were shocked and cried your heart out when she actually did die.
2. You think that everything Astrid Lindgren ever wrote, sums up all the good things about being Swedish.
3. You secretly believe you'll come to Nangiala when you die.
4. You KNOW that Harry Potter will NEVER EVER be close to as good a read as Pippi Longstocking.
5. You get REALLY annoyed when people outside of Sweden do not know that Pippi Longstocking is Swedish.
6. You know what "sockerdricks trädet" is and you wish that you owned it.
7. You know who Nils Holgersson is and you know it was Selma Lagerlöf and not Astrid Lindgren who wrote the book about him.
8. Even though jumping into hay bales is really gross you still do it and love it only because "Bullerby Barnen" did it.
9. You don't think it's weird that a children's book talks about a penis measuring contest (snoppmätartävling) like in 'Berts dagbok'.
10. You know who Bamse is, and love him with all your heart and got surprised when you were told he’s not famous elsewhere.
(TV/Film)
1. You think the best moment in Swedish film history was when Stig Helmer tried to get orange juice from the stewardess call-button.
2. You have ended up in some terribly embarrassing situations thinking “Classic Swedish Films” refer to Ingmar Bergman and not porn.
3. You are likely or very unlikely to admit ever having watched a full episode of “Allsång på Skansen” but feel the fact they broadcast it every summer is soothing and a notion that things remain in their normal state.
4. You were devastated to learn that neither “Skurt” nor “Televinken” were real people.
5. The theme song from “Ika i rutan” still makes chills run down your spine.
6. “Vilse i Pannkanan” and “Lillstrumpa och Syster Yster” make even more chills run down your spine.
7. Quoting Elin from “Fucking Åmål” was part of your everyday language when you were a teenager.
8. You know that the only parts Swedish people get to play in movies are when there is supposed to be a stupid blonde in the scene.
9. You think Peter Stormare is awesome in any role he plays even, if he’s just playing the guy who gets eaten by a dinosaur.
10. You know the catchfrase "FÖRGRYMMADE UNGE" and your parents have used it on more than one occasion when you were naughty as a child.
11. You know all the words to the “Emil i Lönnerberga” theme song by heart and as a child he was your hero.
12. You know what a "stänkare" is and what movie series the expression got famous from.
13. “Iprenmannen" haunts your nightmares, although still, you find yourself humming the song in the shower.
14. You got thoroughly annoyed when Peter Harryson was replaced on "Så Ska Det Låta".
15. You remember Hjalle & Heavy running away from Soffi-Propp.
16. You have seen all the "Sällskapsresorna" and know the story by heart.
17. You get sentimental hearing the intro to “Björnes Magasin".
18. You try, unsuccessfully, to explain the concept of "Björnes Magasin" to bewildered Non-Swedes.
19. You know who Björne is, and can identify at least Snigel and Hugo.
20. You know that no children’s TV show theme will ever amount to the anthem that is "Bolibompa bolibombompa bolibompa bolibombompa HAR NI SETT KANAL ETT!"
21. You've learned something from “Hjärnkontoret” during your pre-teenage years.
22. You enthusiastically force your shocked non-Swedish friends to watch a YouTube clip of "Kalles Klätterträd" while proudly showing off that you know every single word of the lyrics.
23. You know Ingmar Bergman is the greatest film director of all time but can't sit through his films because they're “too deep” but you insist to Non-Swedes that all Swedes "get" them.
24. You spell “Morden i Midsomer”: "Morden i Midsommar"
25. You claim that you hate Bert Karlsson but secretly you think he seems like a cozy guy.
26. You watch "Svensson, Svensson" 's annual christmas special, even if you've seen it a thousand times. You laugh every time as if it was the first time you saw it.
27. You get into hysterics when you find that SVT have made new episodes of "Svensson Svensson" and rejoice when you discover you can watch them right there on the website.
28. When you thought it was both amusing and terribly scary to watch “Världens Modernaste Land”, because you could relate to every single topic.
29. As a child, it was almost a religious thing to wake up at 9 a.m during the summer holidays in order to watch "Sommarmorgon".
30. You have at one point or more, during your childhood, attempted to fabricate something that you learnt how to make from watching "Hajk".
31. While fabricating the thing mentioned in the previous point, “things” went terribly wrong.
32. Despite the mayhem caused by the failure of the previous point, Bengt Alsterlind will forever be your hero.
33. Your mother is very likely to find Ernst Kirchsteiger really attractive.
34. You say ''it's almost as low as Glocalnet''.
35. You watch an English/American film and get upset that all swedes are called Inga,Ingrid or Sven when you know these are not common names in Sweden.
36. You hate the TV-show "Joelbitar" with a passion, but know the theme song by heart.
38. You think that adverts every thirty minutes is way too often.
39. You find the censorship on American TV, radio and magazines extremely annoying.
40. You turn on your TV just to check out what's happening to Stig, Sonja and Ulf in the latest “ICA” advertisment.
41. You’ve repeatedly had very emotional discussions about the new "Bolibompa" dragon and how much better the old one was.
(Music)
1. You consider "Schlager" being a proper music genre.
2. You only listen to “Schlager” once a year.
3. You proudly state that the best Eurovision entry ever is "Waterloo".
It still disturbs you that Carola did not win the Eurovision Song Contest the first time around she participated, back in -83.
4. When you giggle when singing the second verse of “Ja, må han leva”.
5. You feel the need to apologize to people for the Crazy Frog since a Swede invented it.
6. You know the lyrics of "Man ska ha husvagn..." and every now and then it pops up in your head.
7. You think the song in the “Blossa” advertisement is a proper Christmas carol.
8. You actually know which three persons the abbreviation GES refers to.
9. You believe that GES "När vi gräver guld i USA" is the best song about football ever. EVER!
10. The voice of Per Gessle brings back memories from every summer of your life.
11. You know that Per Gessle is responsible for more child conceiving than Barry White.
12. You force Non-Sweds to listen to Gyllenetider during the whole summer even though they cant understand the beauty of it. it is not because of your lack of trying. You have in fact tried to translate all the songs for them and tried to convince them to learn to sing “Sommar tider” in Swedish.
13. Even if you normally hate ABBA, Ace of Base, Roxette etc. you still LOVE it when you're in a club abroad and they play something Swedish (you'll probably even ask the DJ to play it…).
14. You’ve always believed that Cornelis Wreeswijk sang a song called "Hejsan Morsan, Hejsan Stabben", even though it’s really called "Brev från Kolonien")
(Sports)
1. You think that Sweden winning gold in any type of World Championships/Olympics require celebrating by getting really drunk and splashing around in a large and famous fountain.
2. You don't really care about winning as long as the Swedish beat the Norwegians and the Finish, no matter what the game/contest is.
3. You get nostalgic by thinking of the summer of 1994.
4. You cry with nostalgia and happiness thinking about Peter "Foppa" Forsberg's penalty in the ice-hockey final, Olympic Games in Lillehammer 1994.
5. You can't refrain from bragging about winning both the olympic and the world championship 2006 in ice-hockey back to back whenever you have the opportunity to talk to a Canadian.
6. It's totally ok to stop working for a while when Anja is skiing in an important competition and instead join your colleagues in front of the TV which somebody brought.
7. You cried when Henrik Larsson cut his hair.
8. You know that Sweden will never actually win the World Cup in Football, but keep partying anyway.You're at a sports competition abroad, shouting "Heja heja!" although no one understands it.
9. You get into an argument explaining to non-Swedish people that Zlatan Ibrahimovic ACTUALLY IS from Sweden.
10. You find it perfectly normal to exercise by doing the Nordic Walking (“stavgång”) which means taking a walk with two ski sticks and no skis.
11. You are stuck in front of the TV watching curling during every Olympic Games.
12. You actually understand the rules of curling.
13. You can't stop yourself from boasting about Björn Borg winning Wimbledon five times.
14. You know that Björn Borg and Börje Salming are not just famous athletes but also have their own underwear collections.
15. You consider finding red and white markers in the forest, only with the use of map and compass a pastime, not a cruel and unusual punishment.
16. You just have to state (with barely hidden pride) the superiority of Björn Borg to John McEnroe.
17. You KNOW that someday soon Björn Borg will make his come back... In the same white outfit and headband he wore twenty years ago!
18. You know what floorball (“innebandy”) is and you find it quite a cheesy sport.
19. You have, on several occasions, played floorball. And secretly enjoyed it.
20. The fact that shows about fly-fishing has more viewers than NHL in the U.S., does not stop you from thinking that Peter Forsberg is probably recognized by all Americans.
(Famous people)
1. You find it hillarious that Bo G Eriksson is E-Type’s father.
2. You think that Robert Gustavsson is the funniest man alive; Period.
3. You know Carl Larsson captures the atmosphere of a 'stuga' perfectly.
4. You refer to some internationally famous Swedes by their nicknames, even when speaking to bewildered Non-Swedes who have no clue who you are talking about.(I.e "Svennis", "Henke", “Carro”).
(Travelling)
1. You would never go travelling without sheets or towels, even when having been told that it will be provided for you.
2. You consider taking a cruise ship to Tallin or Helsinki a valid excuse to get completely off your face and act like an utter fool as soon as the ship leaves port.
3. The first thing you ask when coming back from a trip abroad, is how the weather was while you were away.
4. Even before you have begun your trip abroad you freak out over the fact that you are not able to drink water from the tap in some other countries.
5. You are abroad and ask for "Swedish coffee” at the hotel.
6. Apart from what’s mentioned in the previous point, of course you do also use other quotations from "Sällskapsresan" when going abroad.
7. On vacation, you have no problem getting up at 5 a.m to "save" your familys seats by the beach with towels.
8. You take a picture of yourself (on your crappy mobile phone camera), lying on the beach abroad when it's winter in Sweden, and send it to all of your friends (especially the ones you don't like).
9. You have at least once been called albino.
10. You lie on the beach while the natives wear winter coats.
11. You wear a bandana while travelling.
12. You truly believe that switching from SEK to Euro would take away the joy of being abroad and annoying the shop clerk when you are trying to figure out which coin is which.
13. A good summer vacation consists of going to a country down south in Europe, probably Greece or Spain, with your friends. When you arrive at 23:30 (not 11.30 pm, major difference!) the first thing you do is get wasted and stay wasted for the rest of the week.
14. You call Mallorca "Mallis".
15. You come home from your holiday and in your excitement you tell your friends what a beautiful place Thailand is and they should go there sometime (even though they have all been there at least two times already).
(Partying/drinking habits)
1. The thought taking shots of “snaps” without singing has never occurred to you.
2. It doesn’t matter if it’s “snaps” or not, you love singing “snapsvisor” while drinking any kind of alcohol.
3. You take a sip of Strongbow, frown, and state that there's nooo way that the yellow sludge they call cider really is cider.
4. You think it’s normal to see a group of guys come into a bar and then all queue up and buy their own drink.
5. You generally consider the pre-party better than the night out in a club that follows.
6. You quickly round up all the cans and bottles from last night’s party and curse all the ones who bought non recycle cans, then go to the closest shop and treat yourself to dinner.
7. You can’t for the life of you understand why there’s no handles on the paper bags you get in the liquor store.
8. You think going to the pub for a drink is a waste of time if you're not going to get drunk.
9. You wake up after a hard nights party only to experience the nationally known feeling of "Ågren".
10. You notice that “Systembolaget” is closed and the most alcoholic beverage you can find to drink is 3.5 % beer from the supermarket, and even if you know it’s a shame, you buy it.
11. You do, to some extent, consider cider being a children’s soft drink.
12. If you drink during the week you are considered an alcoholic, but if you don’t party hardcore during the weekend you are considered weird.
13. You consider cannabis more dangerous than alcohol.
14. You feel proud when someone orders “Kopparbergs Cider” in a pub abroad even if you consider Swedish people (especially guys) being very girly if they order it in a pub in Sweden.
15. You claim to Non-Swedes that you only drink “Absolut Vodka”. Liar.
16. When you ring up the hostess of a party to find out who is going and what will be happening - just in case there is someone there you don't know or even worse the hostess has invited friends AND family.
17. Everyone knows that going to a party at a friend’s house means BYOD (bring your own drinks).
(Fashion sense)
1. You think it’s a surfer thing to wear swimming trunks with flower patterns, even though it’s not.
2. You don't find it wierd at all to get undressed in a locker room with unknown people.
3. You knew what crocs were two years before the rest of the world
You truly believe Peter Forsberg actually invented Crocks.
4. You are dying for crocs to become constitutionally banned as they are “soooooooo last season”.
5. You know Swedish guys not necessarily are gay, only their dress code seem to have that effect on Non-Swedes.
6. You try to explain to Non-Swedes that drain pipes (stuprörsbyxor) are worn by guys and it's not considered gay.
7. If you are a Swedish girl, you don't find the trousers worn by Swedish guys being ridiculously tight but rather find loose fit trousers terribly boring and soooooo unfashionable, unless they are really baggy and attached to a skater or snowboarder.
8. You always follow the latest fashion trends since you are afraid you won't "fit in" if you don't.
9. You shove your pants into your socks even when you’re inside, and there is not snow/rain anywhere in sight.
10. You have a closet full of clothes from H&M
11. Talking to a Non-Swede you get hurt and pissed off if the person you are talking to doesn’t know H&M is Swedish.
12. You actually know what the H and the M in H&M means and consider it shocking that no one else does.
13. You constantly wear your all weather jacket (Peak, NorthFace, Everest, Haglöfs) no matter what time of year or on what occasion, since it goes with shorts, dresses, suits - everything!
14. You prefer comfortable sandals over nice high heels.
15. You carry a backpack in any given context, no matter if it is an ever so official event. Why change? It’s convenient!
16. You shamelessly wear socks with loafers and sandals.
17. You do not consider it a fashion faux pas to wear white socks with a black suit.
18. You think it’s really weird that when you go shopping for a swimsuit outside the borders of Sweden, the bikinis come with tops.
19. You're favourite colour is grey (alls shades of grey).
20. You own at least three cardigans (even if you are a bloke).
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21. You have different sets of clothes for different halves of the year and rotate them in your wardrobe and storage rooms when the season changes.
22. The hallway of your home looks like a used shoe store.
(Weather)
1. You are obsessed with weather.
2. You find it perfectly normal to ride a bike in a blizzard.
3. It's only a blizzard if you can't see your car in the drive because it's covered in snow.
4. You've worn a souwester (“sydväst”) without being a fisherman.
5. The first little bit of sun is out you go to the nearest park and you put on sunscreen factor 30 and a bikini while watching old ladies walk past in furry coats.
6. You find it normal to have the headlights of the car on at the brightest and sunniest of days.
7. You and your kids are the only ones in the playground wearing clothes according to weather.
8. You always go "That's not REAL snow" whenever it snows in countries that usually don't get snow.
9. You find it adorable when people from other countries get excited about a few milimetres of snow that only stays on the ground for a few hours.
10. You find it ridiculous schools in some other countries have to close if there comes more than five cm of snow on the roads during one night.
11. You constantly whine about the rain or the cold weather.
(What others say about the Swedish)
1. People ask you if you have polar bears on the streets and you try to spread the myth further by saying it is true.
2. You have been asked whether there is a “Swedish Bikini Team”.
3. You don't get why Non-swedes think it's odd that the sun stays up for about 24 hours in the summer.
4. You can't see what's so "cute" about writing 13:00 instead of 1 pm.
5. You think that Sweden is constantly in the news abroad and are surprised to find that this is not the case at all.
6. You seriously want to HURT Non-Swedes who ask 'how's life in SWITZERLAND?'
7. Non-Swedes laugh at you for wearing a bicycle helmet and you answer: "At least I won't be the one dying of a skull fracture".
8. People refuse to believe you're actually from Sweden because you're not platinum blonde with a Sven-Göran Ericsson accent.
9. You tell them your surname is Larsson and every Non-Swede automatically assumes you are related to Henrik Larsson.
10. Drunk Englishmen keep telling you how drunk Swedes usually are, in their experience, and you find it rather comforting to know that there are drunk English people keeping an eye out for us abroad!
(Misanchellous)
1. You have a summer house in the countryside. It has no running water or flushing toilet, but you can't understand why none of your non-Swedish friends want to visit.
2. The law in your country says it's legal to sell sex, but illegal to buy it.
3. You go downtown during a Sunday and don't expect to meet a single soul during a thirty minute walk.
4. You thought 'Aftonbladet' and 'Expressen' were full of silly news. Then you went abroad and found that many papers include nothing but naked women and sex.
5. In desperation you think you bought the wrong item because the condoms come in square packages instead of rectangular ones.
6. You have absolutely no idea what is meant by" Swedish massage" that keeps being advertised in spas all over the world.
7. You are constantly surprised that you are the tallest one in any given situation while abroad (some countries are exceptions of course).
8. You get chills down your spine thinking about the "Flour-tant".
9. Your parents pay you every month for not eating sweets for a year (or so).
10. You instinctively spot Swedes from a distance based on looks and what they're wearing and/or by the round pale mark in the pocket of their jeans (obviously they are anomalies- Norwegians or Finns at a push…)
11. You have been or know someone who has been an exchange student
12. You are amazed to find that other countries are not familiar with winter tires and 'halkbanor'.
13. You know an entire catalogue of “Bellman”- and “Norge” jokes.
14. You own more than 5 candles and light them daily.
15. Everyone owns at least one mobile phone, but there's no longer land line phones in all homes.
16. You think that v70R is the ultimate sportscar.
17. You know the population of your hometown quite accurately.
18. At the age of ten, you knew all twenty five counties of Sweden by heart, including every town with approximately more than five people in it. In other words, you’ve have had a good geographical education.
19. You wash your face in an English bathroom and get totally annoyed about the fact that you are either burning your face or putting a layer of ice on it! Therefore you rave to Non-Swedes about the superiority of only using one tap for both hot and cold water since "In the country where I come from, we have had one tap for both hot and cold water since the Medieval days!"
20. You can type in someone’s name on the internet and find out everything about them; phone numbers, see where they live and even see a picture of their front door.
21. You go to McDonalds & the staff work as elite models in their spare time.
22. When you tell Americans that you're Swedish and get thoroughly annoyed when they say "Me too!"
23. You have seen both your parents naked more than once.
24. You secretly consider Finland a part of Sweden and can't understand why they don't.
25. Your queen is from Germany.
26. Someone in your family or someone you know has a ping-pong table in their country house.
27. You find it normal to have the kitchen lamp hanging from a cord/string over your table instead of being attached directly to the ceiling.
28. You get homesick out of reading that list
29. You actually read all of these posts.
30. You would never ever admit to anything on this list (since that would make you “too” Swedish)
31. You unfourtunately realise that everything on this list is true.
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